Avoiding Nemo

Was your last kiss important to you?
Nope. 

What is the strangest thing you have ever encountered?
hmmm, where do I start?!  

Have you studied this summer? 
My HST cards and Drivers Ed stuff.  

Do you have a best friend?
I love them to death!! <3

Where is your male best friend?
At home I guess. 

What did you do last night?
Umm, I stayed home.

Do you write for fun?
Yes! I love writing!

Are you smart?
Yep :3 

How late did you stay up last night?
2 or 3 

Is there anyone out there who can make you cry very easily?
Yes. Damn them.  

If your ex said they don’t want to be with you, what would you say? 
Which one? My last one GOOD FOR HIM! 

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Texted Lulu Bear. 

How many times is A in your full name?
Rebecca Christine Lindsey. Once.  

Are you taller than 5 foot 6?
No! I am 5 3 

Delete a year of your life or start over in a new place?
Would do either.  

If your parents searched your room, would they be mad at what they’d find?
No.

In the last 6 months can you say you cared about someone?
Of course.

Are you busy tomorrow?
Robotics baby! 

Want someone or something you can’t have?
Duh.  

When was the last time you were in a VERY good mood? 
Scarlettes b day. 

What are you currently looking forward to?
Tomorrow! Robotics! 

Are you a really understanding person?
Very.  

Who was the last person you talked to last night?
Katy.  

Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
No.  

Did you know that Coca-Cola had cocaine in it before?
It’s not true. Looked it up myself.  

Do you find your neighborhood safe?
nope. There’s a rapist living in my neighborhood.  

Do you actually love your grandma?
I don’t know both of them that well but of course I love them. 

You’re in a bad accident. Would your best friend come see you?
I know of three people who will be there in an instant.  

Do you think you’re a forgiving person?
Very. 

Do you hate being alone?
Absolutely.

Does being in a relationship mean you can’t talk to the opposite sex?
No! 

Do you like holding hands?
yeah! 

Do you enjoy wearing dresses?
Yes I love to dress up

If you could erase someone from your life who would it be and why?
Nobody…cuz everybody’s impacted me somehow. And if I deleted someone I might not be who I am today. 

Have you gotten caught in a HUGE lie to your parents?
Nope. 

If you could change one thing about this past year what would it be?
That I focused on school more. 

Any drama in your life now? If so, what?
Yes. Always drama.  

If you could, would you go back and change the way things ended with someone?
Yes. Just one. Josh. 
 
Explain in detail exactly what you were doing four hours ago?
Washing my face and brushing my teeth while my phone and iPod charged. 

Explain what you will be doing in three hours.
Sleeping.

Do you honestly speak your mind no matter what?
No but most of the time I have at it.  

Have you lost respect for anyone?
No. I belive in second chances.  

Do you like texting?
Who doesn’t?

Are you trying to avoid liking someone?
No. 

I am over him. I just wish that I could find someone who liked me. I miss relationships. But I am so clingy. I want a guy who not just tells me I am “perfect” but proves it or makes me feel like it. I want to be 100% myself in a relationship. Now I think I will just be my CRAZY self and if people font like it, to bad! Plus why be normal when you can be extrodinary and not hide yourself? Now I am AWESOME Becky!! And I am there for the rescue!!!

April March – Chick Habit
hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
or you’ll be alone in a quick
hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
or you’ll never get another fix

i’m telling you it’s not a trick
pay attention, don’t be thick
or you’re liable to get licked

you’re gonna see the reason why
when they’re spitting in your eye
they’ll be spitting in your eye

hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
a girl’s not a tonic or a pill
hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
you’re just jonesing for a spill

oh, how your bubble’s gonna burst
when you meet another nurse
she’ll be driving in a hearse

you’re gonna need a heap of glue
when they all catch up with you
and they cut you up in two

now your ears are ringing
the birds have stopped their singing
everything is turning grey

no candy in your till
no cutie left to thrill
you’re alone on a tuesday

hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
or you’ll be alone in a quick
hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
or you’ll never get another fix

i’m telling you it’s not a trick
pay attention, don’t be thick
or you’re liable to get licked

you’re gonna see the reason why
when they’re spitting in your eye
they’ll be spitting in your eye

My heart was so happy. I was in love. We lasted 9 months. I not only fell in love with him, I fell in love with his family. He was my everything. He made me an emotional roller-coaster. I felt like I could take on the world. He was an interesting boyfriend. People called him gay but he told me he wasn’t, I knew he wasn’t. I loved him so much. But there was things I didn’t like about him, but who doesn’t have little complaints about there boyfriend or girlfriend? He never told me I was pretty unless I asked, that sorta thing. One of my dreams is a guy bringing me roses and sweep my feet. He didn’t want to do that. He just said “I want to be original and that kind of stuff is just cheesy”. I didn’t like that . I love cheesy. I just didn’t feel all that pretty when I was with him, I kept trying to be everything he wanted. Well I loved him what else would I do? But then one day I get a call. I was not expecting this. “Hey baby” he didn’t seem so happy. “Hey”. Then I knew something was off. “Whats up”. His voice layed it on thick. “Baby we need to talk”. I went into sensory over drive. “About what baby”. I was holding up the barrier. “Its over”. My face burnt red and the pressure I was feeling in my face felt like I was going to explode. “Is this happining? Are you serious?”. Panic set in. “Yes”. I cried, and I felt so stupid. “This is a nightmare”. I didn’t belive it was real. “No, this is real”. Silence filled the air as I cried so hard you couldn’t hear a thing. “Why?” I barely made out through my unbearable sobs gasping for breath. “Baby I can’t tell you now. I will tell you when I can. Maybe when it’s all over”. Still gasping I plead out, “Are we over forever? Will we get back together?!” I could hear the pain in his voice. “Ask me after high school”. I felt like I got slaped in the face. “I love you.” I have said this time and time again, but this one was different, yet I was expecting the same result. Silence. I said it once more. “I know baby”. One last time, “I love you baby” I said with a questioning tone. Silence. “Baby? Don’t you love me? Why won’t you say it back?”. I waited. “I don’t know if I love you”. I felt cut off. A breeze flew through me and I felt empty. Then, I cried but I also clenched my fingers on my sheets so tight I felt the cramps in my fingers as I pulled my face into my mattress. All I could here whimply rustling through my phone was his voice, “This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.” I broke. I sobed and sobed. I sounded ugly like knarls rolling in from hell. The last bit was fuzzy. We hung up. Then all I could do was stare at my wall, not even crying. Then I got a text from Maci. I had to call. “Hey”. She knew something was wrong. I could barely hold my phone, I was shaking. “What’s wrong?”. She knew me too well. “Edgar broke up with me” I said just staring into space, I couldn’t even focus my eyes to stare at my wall. “Are you okay?”. I knew the answer all to well. “No”. She cracked a few jokes. I felt a bit better. I wanted to just get off the phone. “Hey Maci, I think I am just going to go to bed”. Off the phone, I wanted off the phone. “Okay Becky, Goodnight”. Off the phone I wanted off the phone. “good night”. I waited for a last response. Off the phone I wanted off the phone. I never hang up first. I always wait for the blinking screen telling me that the other person got off first. Off the phone. I wanted off the phone. I hung up. I laid there. Then I got a text from my good friend Paul. I texted him: I need help. He called with Xuxa on 3 way call. He just told me he’s not worth it. That I am better than him. Xuxa said there are plenty of fish on the sea. I just kept staring. I knew they wanted to talk to each other. They are boyfriend and girlfriend. So I said “Hey I will see you tomorrow”. I hung up. I burst out again. My mom heard ne crying. “Becky? Are you okay?” I tried to just clean myself up and put up a false front. But when I dated Edgar I cried to often. She knew what I was doing. You see my mom doesn’t walk upstairs. She has almost no cartlege in her knees. “Becky!?”. She called me again and again. I finally got the energy to shout “Hold on!”. I tried to get up. I was so weak. I steped down the stairs one at a time. Not really stepping more like holding my self up as I drag my foot and it drops down to the next step. I just stared at her as she laid on the couch. She questioned me, “What’s wrong?”. I was ghost white. A crisp silence filled the air as I tried to gather energy as I held myself up with my arm on the cold banister. Snot and tears covered my face. I sniffed and I stared. Then I was ready. “Edgar broke up with me”. Then I knew what would happen next. I have been broken up with before with another serious relationship. The last one nothing like this one. My mom started up the bath as I tried to get myself to the bathroom. I finally made it and my mom helped me undress. I felt the water get warm as I sat in the bath. The metal was cold so I laid my swelling feeling face against it. The steam sifted through the air and filled my lungs and warmed me as i breathed it in. You know that huffing that comes after crying that was happening as I breathed to calm down. My mom wanted to go to sleep. I could tell. So I cut the bath short and I went upstairs. I got on some pajamas that were loose and I laid on my bed. Crying had tired me out. I wanted to just go to sleep and not wake up. I had to go to school. I did not want to go. But I decided I needed to put it all behind me. I could be strong. I got ready. I got on the bus. I was okay. We get 1/4 of a mile to the school before I broke down. It was dark and no one could see me. But I could feel they all knew. Only one thong would hurt me this bad. My friend Beka helped me get off the bus. Shake it off I am fine. I am strong. So I tried to walk my normal spot. Maybe my friends would be there. Wrong. I took one look at him. Brake down. Beka helped me. I just wanted to get out of the isle. I asked Beka to take me to my robotics teacher Mrs.Brooks. She was supposed to leave. She was still there. She told me what everybody says. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I have amazing friends. All that good jazz. But then, Her point was proven. All my friends came to her room: Maci, Alex, Anna, Shelbie, Jerod, Everyone. I was going to be alright.

THE PINK SPIDERS LYRICS
“Adalae”

Adalae, your every moment is a masterpiece
Adalae, you’re only precious ’til you meet your needs
Adalae, you say we’ll see you on the silver screen
But when you’re down
You know this town’s just not for you

Adalae, everybody knows you’re working hard
Adalae, you see the sunset on the boulevard
Adalae, your only enemy’s the calendar
With these complaints for dedications tried and true
And since you always get your way, this one’s for you

Oh Adalae, I think you’re losing your head
Let’s take these rumors and put them to bed
Can’t help but think it was something I said
Cursing at the stars above

Adalae, maybe you’ll never get a second chance
Adalae, you’re only social on the stimulants
It’s OK cause everybody knows your circumstance
SO arch your back girl cause you’re always on display
And you know you’re only worth what you get paid

Oh Adalae, I think you’re losing your head
Let’s take these rumors and put them to bed
Can’t help but think it was something I said
Cursing at the stars above

Oh Adalae i know the sun’s in your eyes
You’ve got it all but still you wear a disguise
Whatever you do, don’t apologize
Nobody can buy your love

Adalae, your every moment is a masterpiece
Adalae, you’re only precious ’til you meet your needs.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark   Death Cab For Cutie

Love of mine some day you will die
But I’ll be close behind
I’ll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
“Son fear is the heart of love”
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It’s nothing to cry about
’cause we’ll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the No’s on their vacancy signs

If there’s no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I’ll follow you into the dark
Then I’ll follow you into the dark

It is still me is 7th grade. Everyone but like two people make fun of me. Maci and Vivianna. I had maci in two classes. Launguage arts and Mathmatics. Then Maci didn’t want to be in art, beacause the teacher told her that Anime is not art. She got into an argument with the teacher. Then she was swithched into my Spanish class. Back then she was a meanier person. But she got along with people. But you know how juinor high kids get. Then Maci and I had like two major fights. Those almost jeopardized our friendship. One when I got highlighter on a drawing that she had been working on. Then another when she was pulling a prank on me by getting me into a dark hallway and she drew on me with invisable ink and I poured my coke on her. She shouted stop but I didn’t listen then she got pissed at me. Then I went outside to keep her from getting madder at me. Then I went bobbing for apples and she pushed my head farther under the water. Then eventually we got over it, we always did. Now we never fight and if we do it never lasts long.

I walked into seventh grade wishing I could change my stars. For a long while I had lost hope. Till seventh period Launguage arts with Mrs.Pickrell I had seen my fate. It was assigned seating that chaged my view on life. I sat next to Maci Gordon. She looked a bit emo. I thought it looked cool. She started to draw. The guy infront of her, his name was Calin. He started to make fun of her. Pestering her about what she was drawing. Telling her she had traced that what she was drawing wasn’t real. I stated “That’s not fake, it is called anime and I can tell she hasn’t been tracing because her drawing looked a bit diffrent then her picture”. He just looked away in a bit of shame. She looked at me as if she had met a good friend. I said “My name is Becky, What’s yours?”. She said hello and her name was Maci. I told her that I knew because she was friends with my friend Elisabeth. The best friend I had ever had just lit my eyes.

Anna and I were the closest of all of us. When she moved I would spend the night at her house as much as I could. After a while our parents slowly gave up on our friendship and so had we. Still close friends just we saw each other less. Every once in a blue moon we still see each other still as close. Her dad started grounding her more because he would get more and more upset about things. He got married over the internet to a Vietnamese woman whose name still escapes me. I miss her, but all of us changed. Katie is a real band nerd. I was too till my teacher was bad. I am a happy emo. And Anna from the straight up hood. But we still are good friends.

In my younger years I was a loser. I had two great friends. Anna and Katie were my closest friends. I meet them in a sand box on the play ground in second grade. Anna and Katie were both new. I  haved lived in the same house all my life and still do. I wanted to make new friends so I sat next to them. I asked “Can I be your friend?”‘, and we have been friends ever since. And trough second till sixth we were the closest friends on this earth. Then Anna had to live with her dad and went to the leauge city schools. Me and Katie stayed in Dickinson. But we all slipped away. Then in sixth I was the most preppy annoying kid in Dunbar and my quote on quote “friends” were using me to make fun of me.